Change The Channel

Posted on Updated on



Maybe it’s the surge of hormones, maybe it’s the combination of so many things happening to me lately, maybe it’s just the lack of sleep, but I feel a need to change. I have this urge to shake things up, to move furniture, people, and perceptions around.

At work I’m in a state of inertia, waiting for my files to come back from translations (9 languages), wasting the hours away surfing the net and fiddling with my mp3s. Yesterday, I skipped off to watch a particularly awful, mind-numbing movie, loaded with hot buttered popcorn and a cold cola. On a Monday. After the movie, I didn’t go back to the office, I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping for baby clothes and browsing for cribs. At home I dumped groceries on the table and lazed around with J, who was at least happy to see me. I called a friend I’ve been out of touch with for months and wasted minutes chatting about inconsequential things. Upstairs, in the closet I knew there were things to work on—a baby blanket that needed hemming, J ’s flannel pajamas that needed buttons. I chose to leave them for another day.

Last night, after putting J to sleep, I lay there contemplating all that’s about to come. I know a change is in the offing, and not just because this new baby is due soon. I feel a warp in my universe and the pull of my cells tells me I am standing on the edge, about to fall in. This feeling lines my days with a little sliver of fear, a hint of excitement, a sense of becoming. Becoming what, I do not know. But the possibility of something new happening is certainly welcome. I have been in a sleepy stasis for some time now, lulled by a false sense of security that I am loath to trust.

Yes, change is more than welcome, whatever else it might bring along.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s